


Silver Lining

by FourFaces



Series: Clouds AU [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Peridemtion AU, Angst with a Happy Ending, Catch and Release and the succeeding episodes never happened, F/F, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-10-10 01:34:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10426269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FourFaces/pseuds/FourFaces
Summary: A “Fix-it” AU/Sequel to Clouds (best to read that fic before this one) Originally posted to Tumblr as "Beyond the Room"Set in an AU where Catch and Release (and the succeeding episodes) never happened. Peridot wanted to fix her mistake. She couldn’t stand the guilt anymore. Every time she looked at Steven, she knew what she had done and it haunted her.She was going to bring Connie back, no matter what it took.





	1. The Chances I've Lost ...

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Star Trek Voyager’s mobile emitter (Thanks for the idea, CoreyWW) and Swordtheguy‘s Gem OC Spinel, Peridot is about to change what used to be a firm future. There will be consequences for her actions, however
> 
> Originally posted to Tumblr as "Beyond the Room"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot attempts to make everything right.
> 
> Takes place towards the middle of Chapter 5 of Clouds.
> 
> Chapter title - Lyric from Sunrise by The Who

Peridot knew she could make it right. She could make everything right.

If she figured out how to do this, everyone would forgive her. She could truly be a part of the team.

The opportunity had presented itself almost a year after the incident. Steven had been morose and Peridot had learned why. If she hadn't done what she did, Connie would have celebrated her sixteenth birthday. Instead, Peridot robbed her of that and thus robbed Steven of more time with the human he loved. It was after the day that would have been Connie's birthday when a Roaming Eye landed looking for Jasper. Peridot realized that this was her chance and quickly told Amethyst of her plan to go to a base she had heard of but never been to, saying she would need her help getting there. Amethyst would need to impersonate the lost Quartz soldier.

No one else was made aware of the plan, Peridot and Amethyst having left with the rubies before the rest of the gems could say anything. No one knew when they would return.

It had been less than a week when the ground started to rumble and a long-forgotten enemy resurfaced.

Malachite had returned and in an instant Garnet realized what was happening.

The future that had been once been so set in stone was now changing once again.

Malachite was back, on schedule since the time that Connie was killed, but now Peridot was not here to be shattered. If Garnet could fuse with Pearl and Steven, they could survive this battle and almost all of the team would be in tact. It would almost be as if the original future she had seen when Steven first met Connie on the beach was coming true.

If Peridot was successful in whatever she had planned, the rest of the future would change forever.

She was not sure if it would be for the better.

~

“So, what are we grabbing again?” Amethyst asked as the ship landed inside of Pink Diamond’s base, the Rubies leaving to get ready for their next mission.

“I need to grab a device that will work alongside holographic cloud projections from Rose’s Room as well as someone who will allow for an easier transition when the projection attempts to reintegrate with society.”

“English, nerd,” Amethyst sighed.

“I’m going to grab something that will bring a projection from Rose’s Room to life,” Peridot stated.

  
“What? Oh no. You aren’t trying to bring back Connie, are you? Steven is finally getting better! This will seriously mess up all of his progress!” Amethyst argued.

“Look. This is the only way I can make things right. I’ve gone through all of the calculations and all of the variables and this is the only way I can make Steven truly forgive me!” Peridot cried. “I can’t stand him resenting me!”

“He doesn’t resent you, dude! He knows it was an accident! He said he forgave you!”

“It doesn’t feel like it!” Peridot shrieked. “Every time he looks at me, I can see it in his eyes! He’ll never forgive me unless I make it right!”

“Peridot, you can’t un-ring a bell and you can’t un-kill Connie.”

Peridot sighed.

“I’m sorry, Amethyst.”

“What?”

Amethyst didn’t have time to react a Peridot punched her in the gut as hard as she could before reaching up and twisting the quartz’s neck. Amethyst retreated into her gem and Peridot stood up, holding Amethyst’s inert gem. She sighed and bubbled the quartz.p.

“I had to do it. I can’t let anyone stop me. It’s for the good of the team,” Peridot sighed. “I’ll see you when I get home.”

Peridot stepped out of the ship, catching the attention of the Ruby with a gem for an eye.

“Where’s Jasper?”

“She needed a moment,” Peridot started. “It was too painful for her to join us in her former Diamond’s base after all. I will be making the report for her instead.”

The Ruby simply nodded and Peridot continued towards the door. She would need to be quick.

She hoped that she would be able to take what she needed. She just needed to play her role.

~

The Druzy Quartz that stood on the beach had not existed in a long time. They felt different. Something had changed.

Of course. Steven was here now, not Rose.

They looked out at the ocean to see Malachite rising from the sea. It seemed almost impossible that it had taken so long for the angry fusion to finally reach Beach City. They still weren’t sure how Malachite had been held together for so long.

Perhaps Lapis and Jasper didn’t exist anymore.

The thought troubled the fusion, but they had to hold together and be strong.

They needed to protect Beach City.

As they grappled with the rage-filled fusion, they could feel deep sadness from the part of them that Steven occupied.

If things had been different, we wouldn’t have to do this …

“Hold together, “ Druzy Quartz whispered to themselves. “We need to be strong …”

When Malachite lashed out and twisted the arm that Druzy knew held one of Garnet’s gems, they felt a rage boil up from the Rose Quartz component.

No one hurt Steven’s family.

~

The mobile emitter was easy enough to obtain. No one had used it in centuries, but Peridot was certain that she would be able to make it work.

The Spinel would be much more difficult to obtain.

She dug through the base’s records, looking for any records of a Spinel that she could use. One that wouldn’t be missed.

It wasn’t until she came across the logs for the Human Zoo that it struck her.

The Spinels had been repurposed.

She knew now what needed to be done. She would need to convince one of the Era One Peridots to relinquish a set of the trackers that were now being used on the humans.

Surely they wouldn’t miss just one set.

As she made her way through the base, she rehearsed what she would need to say to the Peridots. She needed to make it convincing. She needed them to hand over the Spinels.

She needed them to look past her inadequacies.

She passed several Amethyst guards and it suddenly struck her that this was what had happened to the Amethysts that had been created on Earth. They were stuck here at a rarely used base. When she passed a tiny Carnelian and a thin Jasper, she felt a twinge of guilt.

Amethyst would have loved meeting them. Perhaps she would have finally felt the way that Peridot had always thought of her as. She would have felt like a proper, Earth Amethyst, even with her short stature.

She would have to make it up to her someday.

When she finally arrived in the human receiving office, she was horrified to find that the system was now completely automated.

No. Not completely.

A lone Peridot gem was embedded in the control panel.

As Peridot searched for the Spinels, she made a mental note to remember to come back and free her sister some day.

It wasn’t fair that an Era One Peridot would be treated this way.

She would need to make it right eventually.

When she finally arrived back at the Roaming Eye, she bid the Rubies farewell. She didn’t even remember the excuse she gave them for why they couldn’t say goodbye to Jasper. It didn’t matter anyway.

Rubies were generally not bright enough to realize they had been tricked.

She sat at the command console and cradled the Spinel earrings in her hands.

She needed to free them.

They had a job to do now.


	2. Nothing ever goes as planned ...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot puts her plan into action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song lyric from "Sea and Sand" by The Who

Steven watched as the Roaming Eye landed. He looked to Garnet who had been guarding the unconscious Jasper. He wasn’t sure why Garnet was so uneasy, but he felt inclined to rush over to her.

Instead, he watched as the door opened and Peridot stepped out …

… Without Amethyst.

He rushed over to her as the Roaming Eye took off. He could feel tears pricking his eyes. His Quartz Sister couldn’t be gone. She just couldn’t.

“Peridot! Where’s Amethyst?” He cried out.

“Don’t worry, she’s safe. She got injured so I bubbled her and sent her back here. She should be in that Burning Room. I’d give her some time though … It was a really bad injury,” Peridot started, looking troubled.

Steven breathed a sigh of relief. He couldn’t bear to lose anyone else.

“However, I need access to your mother’s room,” Peridot started. “On my way back, I brainstormed some ways to fix some of the issues you were having with it.”

Steven felt a chill run down his spine. He hadn’t stepped into his mother’s room since …

“Um … what issues?” Steven started.

“Oh, well …” Peridot started. “Amethyst had told me about your first time in your mother’s room and I figured that the room’s system may need an upgrade. I was able to scrounge up some supplies and I can get your room working in no time.”

“Oh … Ok,” Steven started. “Though, I don’t know how much use I’ll have for it … I don’t want to repeat what happened last time …”

“Of course,” Peridot started. “Come with me and I’ll go fix everything.”

Steven led Peridot into the house while Garnet and Pearl looked on.

“Peridot is shaping up to be a good addition to the group,” Pearl smiled, adjusting herself so that Lapis would be easier to carry into the Beach House.

“Hmm …” Garnet hummed, concerned.

“What?”

“It’s just odd that Peridot bubbled Amethyst and sent her back here. Not to mention … Why would she try to fix Rose’s Room?”

Pearl paused a moment. It did seem odd that Peridot was so focused on fixing Rose’s Room. It hadn’t been used since she had killed Connie.

“Well, we can go to the Burning Room and get Amethyst. Then we can find out what’s going on.”

~

“Alright, Steven. I’ll just need to have administrative access to the room so that I can make the upgrades,” Peridot started.

“Uh … How do I make that happen?”

“Just … do whatever it is you do to control the room.”

“Oh. OK, uh … Room, give Peridot administrative access,” Steven commanded.

The pair stood in silence for a moment before Peridot looked around.

“How will I know it worked?”

“Just … ask for something,” Steven started. “Like a tiny floating whale.”

“Hmm …” Peridot started. “Room, I want a tiny, floating whale.”

POOF!

A tiny whale appeared next to Peridot. She quirked an eyebrow at it.

She wondered if she should test the emitter now.

No, don’t test it with him in here, she thought.

“Great! It works! Now you can do your upgrades!”

“Yes,” Peridot started. “I’ll need to gather a few more supplies, but I’ll be able to work on the upgrades now, unimpeded. Thank you Steven.”

“Of course!” Steven smiled.

The pair left the room and saw Garnet and Pearl arranging Lapis and Jasper in the Beach House. Jasper was tied up (Peridot was sure she would break through those bindings easily), while Lapis was laying on the couch. Garnet turned and smiled at Steven.

“Come on, Steven. Let’s go get Amethyst. I’m sure she’s cramped in that bubble.”

Steven smiled and Garnet opened the door for herself, Steven and Pearl to enter the burning room.

Soon Peridot was alone. She scurried up to the loft and dug around looking for anything of Connie’s that she could use. She pulled out drawers and scavenged through Steven’s closet.

Empty. She kept coming up empty.

Sure there were photographs here and there, but none of that was of any substance.

Then she saw what she needed.

Steven’s communication device had been known to hold videos. She had even seen him watch a video of Connie on it. This was what she needed.

She grabbed it and walked to the door.

“Room, I need in.”

The pink gem on the door glowed and Peridot walked in.

~

Garnet pulled down Amethyst’s bubble and cradled it for a moment. It didn’t make sense to her that this would happen, but she wanted to give Peridot the benefit of the doubt. She wanted to believe that Peridot wasn’t going to do anything to harm Steven.

She tapped the bubble and out popped Amethyst’s gem which immediately hovered in the air, glowing brightly as Amethyst began to take form.

When she landed, she immediately got into a defensive stance.

“Peridot, what the-” Amethyst looked around. “No … No way. That little twerp!” The quartz growled angrily.

“Amethyst, are you OK?” Steven asked.

“No! Peridot freaking snapped my neck!” Amethyst shouted.

“What?!” Pearl cried out. “I can’t believe we trusted her.”

“She wanted to get something from Pink Diamond’s base so that she could somehow bring Connie back.”

“But how,” Pearl started. “Connie’s dead. There’s no way that Peridot can fix that.”

“Not physical Connie. The Cloud Connie,” Amethyst started.

Steven paled.

He had given Peridot access to the room.

He had made this happen.

He looked to Garnet who was having the same realization. They needed to get out of the Burning Room and into Rose’s Room. The look on Garnet’s face indicated, however, that they were too late.

~

Peridot sat on the fluffy clouds as she arranged the items she needed. The Room was under her control now. No one could open it except for her until she was finished. The Spinels would be freed last, once a job was made available for them. She pressed a button on the mobile emitter, activating it.

She picked up Steven’s phone and found the video of Connie she was looking for. It had to have been shortly before she …

She could feel a tear threatening to spill out of her eye. She would fix everything. She had to.

“Room … I want to see Connie,” she commanded.

POOF!

Peridot looked up to see Connie standing in front of her. The girl looked down at the Gem and then at the assortment of items that surrounded her.

“What are you doing?” Connie asked.

“I’m fixing things.”

“This isn’t going to fix what you did, Peridot,” Connie started.

“No! It has to! It has to and it will!” Peridot cried. “He needs you. He needs you and it tears me up inside knowing that I am the reason that he doesn’t have you! That he doesn’t have Connie! So I’m going to fix it.”

“Peridot, it won’t work,” Connie started, preparing to try to disappear into the room again.

“Connie. I want you to download your consciousness onto this mobile emitter.”

Connie twitched. Steven had given her some free will, but for some reason, she felt compelled to obey Peridot. She didn’t know why and she tried to force herself from obeying.

But she couldn’t.

She was powerless.

When she found herself on the emitter, she tried to keep herself from projecting out, but it was no use. She could feel herself form around the emitter. Her body was almost solid.

_Just like the hard light hologram of a gem …_

She looked at Peridot who held a pair of earrings.

“You’re almost free,” she whispered to them. “I just need you to do one thing.”

Connie watched as Peridot suddenly freed two tiny gems from the earrings. The programming had told her what they were but she forgot before she could react.

What had she been doing?

Why was everything Pink? Was she hanging out with Steven again?

She looked down and saw Peridot. That was the gem from Homeworld that she and Steven were supposed to fight! What was she doing in Rose’s Room?

“YAAAAH!” Connie shouted as she lunged at Peridot.

“Oh no,” Peridot whimpered as she sprinted towards the door which opened, seemingly just for her.

~

Steven stood in front of the Temple Door, trying in vain to get the entrance to Rose’s Room opened. He had to stop Peridot. It wasn’t right. He was finally coming to grips with everything that had happened. He finally was recovering from Connie’s death.

Connie wouldn’t have wanted this.

He didn’t want this.

He tried to think of what would possibly possess Peridot to even attempt this. He came up empty until he remembered that he had been having a hard time, not only with Connie's death having been over a year ago, but with the knowledge that she would have celebrated her sixteenth birthday if it weren't for -

SHOOM!

The door to the room slid open and Peridot fell out of the Room. She scrambled to Steven’s feet and stared at the door.

“I miscalculated!” Peridot shrieked. “This wasn’t-”

Peridot was cut off when she was pulled up by Garnet.

“Peridot, what did you do?” Garnet growled.

“I tried to fix things! I wanted to make everything right! But I miscalculated and forgot to tell her that I’m a Crystal Gem now.”

“Oh no," Pearl whispered, wishing that what Amethyst said wasn’t true.

“- AAAAAAAH!” A familiar cry erupted from Rose’s Room. The Gems looked from the Room to Steven who stared in horrified disbelief as Connie ran from the Room, looking just as she did the day she died.

She stopped at the threshold and glared at Peridot. She looked around the room to see the gems staring in horrified disbelief. Her gaze went to Steven and her face changed, as if she couldn’t quite recognize the heartbroken, young man.

“Steven?” She asked.

She set one foot outside of Rose’s Room.


	3. But how will I react to a broken heart now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie is in for a shock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Changed the previous chapter title because something else fit more)
> 
> Chapter Title song lyric from "Don't Let Go The Coat" by The Who

Connie looked around. She watched as the Gems’ faces morphed from anger to horror. She looked to Steven who had covered his mouth in shock. Tears pricked his eyes and Connie felt compelled to approach him. When she did, he flinched backwards.  
  
“Steven? What’s wrong?”  
  
“No …” Steven whimpered.  
  
Connie looked to the gems who had turned on Peridot, shouting at her over each other.  
  
“Peridot, how could you?”  
  
“He was getting better!”  
  
“Put her back right now!”  
  
“This isn’t right!”  
  
Connie felt something pull at her mind. She knew why this was wrong. She just couldn’t put the words to it.  
  
A calming thought washed over her. No it was something else. It wasn’t her. She had always been there.  
  
She looked back at Steven who was now sobbing on the couch. She sat down next to him and set her hand on his leg.  
  
“Steven?” Connie asked.  
  
He flinched away.  
  
No. This had to do with her. She felt her heart break as she watched him sob into his hands. She couldn’t believe she had hurt someone she loved this badly.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Connie asked. “Was it something I did? Why are you crying?”  
  
The question made Garnet pause in her arguing. She turned and looked at Connie who seemed genuinely confused.  
  
“Peridot. What did you do?” Garnet gritted out as realization dawned on her. “Why doesn’t she know?”  
  
“I released a pair of Spinels from imprisonment,” Peridot started. “I needed to fix what I did!”  
  
“No.” Garnet stated, turning back to Peridot. “Steven was healing. We all were. You opened up old wounds that should have stayed closed. Put her back.”  
  
“I can’t!” Peridot cried out. “I don’t know how. And even if I destroy her form, she’ll just go back into the emitter until it’s safe!”  
  
“We’ll bubble it,” Amethyst whispered. “Then at least she won’t reform. You’re good at doing that.” She added harshly.  
  
Peridot looked to Amethyst. She knew, deep down, that she deserved that one.  
  
“I … I’m going to go home now,” Connie suddenly said, pulling the attention of the Gems. “I’ll be back later? Maybe tomorrow? Bye Steven …”  
  
The Gems watched as Connie turned and walked out the front door. The realization dawned on all of them.  
  
Connie was going to try to go home.  
  
To her parents.  
  
Who knew she was dead.  
  
“Maybe now she’ll realize and it will be easier for her to let us bubble her,” Amethyst started.  
  
“Not with those Spinels,” Garnet started. “She doesn’t know she’s dead and they will manipulate everything in her memory to keep it that way. Especially if they were told to do so.”  
  
Peridot sighed.  
  
_Well, it was a good idea while it lasted._  
  
~  
  
Connie knew where she needed to go, yet somehow the route felt unfamiliar.  
  
She knew that she knew the route by heart, but nothing seemed right about it.  
  
Usually I’m riding Lion, right? Maybe that’s why this is so weird.  
  
A loud roar broke her out of her thoughts and she turned to see Lion approaching from behind. He skidded to a stop next to her and stared at her. Something about his eyes let her know that something wasn’t quite right. Nonetheless, he waited for her to climb onto his back and then began to run again, roaring to create a portal in front of them.  
  
As Connie stared ahead, she felt even more that something was off. She still couldn’t remember what she was doing before she had woken up in Rose’s Room. The reactions of the Gems was odd as well. They seemed to be mad at Peridot and they were actively avoiding Connie, yet Peridot was still allowed to be in the Beach House.  
  
Steven looked older than she remembered. Not by much, but enough that it didn’t seem right.  
  
_No, everything is fine. You’ve just probably had a long day. Steven probably just wanted to let you sleep after training. That’s why you were there, right?_  
  
It still wasn’t quite right. That thought didn’t feel like it was from her.  
  
~  
  
Steven had finally calmed down enough to speak. He looked around the room, eyes raw from crying. The rest of the gems had left, possibly to either figure out what to do when Connie returned or to take care of Jasper and Lapis. He really didn’t care what the reason was at this point. He looked to Peridot.  
  
“How could you?” He finally croaked. “I was doing better … I was going to move on … I … I finally stopped having nightmares.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” Peridot started. “I just … I knew it was my fault and I knew that there was a way I could fix it.”  
  
“This isn’t fixing it!” Steven yelled. “This is just making it worse!”  
  
“But, she’s alive again …”  
  
“Peridot … Humans aren’t like gems. Once you’re dead, you’re dead. That isn’t her. That thing will never be her,” Steven growled. “Even if I never fell in love again, at least it would have stopped hurting as much! I would have been able to think about something other than losing my best friend. I would have been able to start to …”  
  
“To what? To forget? Is that what you wanted?” Peridot snapped. “I’m sorry, Steven, but I can’t forget. I killed a human. I didn’t want to kill her! I didn’t want to hurt anyone! I just wanted to survive! But every time I see you, I see that haunted look and I know what I did! I can’t ever forget it and I just hoped that maybe, if I did this, the haunted look would leave your eyes and I could at least pretend it never happened …” She sighed. “I just … I didn’t mean to hurt you even more.”  
  
“Can you get rid of her?”  
  
“Yeah … I mean, I sort of can but … Do you really want that? She doesn’t know she’s not Connie,” Peridot started. “The Spinels are there to make sure of that. That’s their job. They were trapped and I freed them so that they could do what they were meant to do … before they were on Earth. If we were to destroy her physical form, it would be like poofing a gem except … I don’t know, Steven. I just don’t want to do it. Would you really feel alright destroying Connie’s form?”  
  
“It’s not her,” Steven started.  
  
“It might as well be. She is as close to Connie as I could get her. I used the videos you had and the Room had a very good idea of what Connie was like-”  
  
“Because I fused with her …” Steven started, realization dawning. “But … It’s still not her. It’s only what I knew of Connie. There is still so much of her that I didn’t know, even after being with her for three years …”  
  
“But wasn’t that what you were in love with? Weren’t you in love with what you saw?” Peridot asked.  
  
“That wasn’t the only thing that made up Connie,” Steven started. “You wouldn’t understand …”  
  
“But … the Room had to know what you liked about her and what made her her when you were in there,” Peridot started. “She is as close to her as you’ll ever get again.”  
  
Steven said nothing.  
  
He simply rose from his seat and walked up the stairs, out of Peridot’s sight.  
  
“Shards,” Peridot cursed.  
  
~  
  
  
Connie stared in horror as she watched her parents’ horrified reaction to seeing her on their doorstep. She didn’t know what to make of it. Watching her mother cry as her father’s face went pale frightened her and broke her heart.  
  
“Mom, dad, what’s wrong?” Connie started, frustrated. “Why are you acting weird too? Why is everyone acting weird?”  
  
“I’ll call Steven,” Doug finally stated. “He needs to -”  
  
“Don’t even bother!” Connie cried out. “He was acting weird too! Why is everyone acting so weird?”  
  
Then she looked at her parents again and noticed something upsetting.  
  
They looked old.  
  
She shook her head. Sure, they had been aging when she last saw them, but they looked haggard. They looked sad. Her mother had more grey than she remembered and her father seemed thinner, his eyes more weary.  
  
“What happened? What is it that none of you are telling me?”  
  
Priyanka tearfully let Connie in and Connie instantly knew something was wrong.  
  
Connie’s pictures were no longer on the wall.  
  
“What …”  
  
She ran up the stairs to her room. The door was closed.  
  
It was never closed when she wasn’t home.  
  
She opened it slowly and gasped.  
  
Everything was as she last left it, as if it were a museum.  
  
She walked in and sat on her bed. Near the bedside were several cards.  
  
Sympathy cards.  
  
She picked one up. Then another.  
  
_Sorry for your loss …_  
  
… No greater pain than a parent losing their child …  
  
… We loved her so much …  
  
The pieces all began to fall into place. Steven was older. Her parents were older. No one expected to see her.  
  
She wasn’t supposed to be there.  
  
She wasn’t supposed to be anywhere.  
  
_That’s not true. They need you. He needs you …_  
  
She shook her head. Those weren’t her thoughts. She didn’t know who the thoughts were from, but they weren’t from her.  
  
She looked down at the bed again and noticed something even more troubling.  
  
She barely was making an impression on the bed. She set her hand down on the comforter. Nothing.  
  
She pressed further. Barely any movement.  
  
“No …” Connie whispered.  
  
“I don’t know how this is possible,” she heard Doug say from the doorway. “I can ask Steven.”  
  
“No …” Connie started. “He’s already upset enough … I’ll … I’ll leave.”  
  
“No,” she heard Priyanka whisper. “You can stay here. Please … We … It has been so quiet this past year. She-you would have been sixteen last month ...”  
  
A year had passed since ...  
  
She had been dead for over a year.  
  
She felt the emptiness in her chest first. She wanted to cry. She wanted to curl up in her mother’s arms and weep.  
  
The tears wouldn’t come.  
  
~  
  
He pulled the picture out of the drawer. He hadn’t looked at it since …  
  
He traced a finger along her face. She had taken the picture a month before it happened, as part of a high school picture day. Steven had loved it so much that Connie had it framed for him. Now it was one of the last pictures he had of her from before …  
  
“Connie,” he whispered before holding the picture close.  
  
He had been trying so hard to forget. It was why all of her pictures were in a drawer. Every reminder of her had been hidden away so that he wouldn’t think about her. The nightmares had decreased and the image of Connie being mangled had started to leave his mind.  
  
The emptiness had never left, however. It would always be there.  
  
Peridot’s words continued to echo in his mind. This was all that he had left of Connie now.  
  
And she was probably not going away anytime soon.  
  
He wasn’t sure what had led him outside, but he soon found himself wandering down the road. He wasn’t even sure where he was going, but he felt like everything would be better if he would just keep walking.  
  
He was hurt, that much was clear. Connie was dead and now here she was, back in his life as if nothing happened. No one had asked him if this was what he wanted.  
  
Cloud Connie had said it herself, almost two years ago. Connie would never have wanted this.  
  
But she didn’t have a say. This was Peridot’s doing. Not the Room’s. Not Connie’s.  
  
Peridot’s  
  
_And mine …_  
  
He was the one who let Peridot start this whole process, no questions asked. He was too trusting. Now look at where that got him.  
  
This ghost of the girl he had loved was now walking around in his life as if nothing had changed when everything had changed. She just came back to him as if she had never died. As if she had never thrown herself in the way.  
  
He chastised himself for even entertaining the thought of blaming her. This wasn’t what he was supposed to be like. Especially not how Connie had remembered him.  
  
But he wasn’t who she remembered anymore. He was different. He was healing, yes but he would never truly be healed. Peridot had seen to that.  
  
He wasn’t even sure how he felt about her now. He would always love Connie, but this wasn’t her, even if she thought she was. To love this impostor would be to betray her.  
  
Wouldn’t it?  
  
He shook his head.  
  
This thing wasn’t Connie.  
  
It would never be Connie.  
  
He looked up and nearly gasped when he realized where he had gone. The neat rows of town homes were like a second home to him in his adolescence. He hadn’t been here since. It had been too painful and he would be amazed if Priyanka and Doug didn’t hold it against him that he never visited. It had just been too painful to even think of visiting.  
  
He looked up at the window. He knew where Connie’s window was, of course. He could never forget those small details. His eyes drifted up to the window.  
  
The light was on.


	4. We Only Acted Out of Imitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie learns some things about herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title - Lyrics from "Our Love Was" by The Who

Connie wished that she couldn't hear them through the vents. She hated hearing the sickening sweetness of her "parents'" voices.

"Oh Steven! It's so good you're here! It looks like Connie is upstairs -"

She hated hearing his voice as it cracked from the pain she knew she caused.

"That isn't Connie and you know it."

"Steven, she still thinks she's Connie-"

"Exactly. She thinks she is Connie but she's not! I don't want to see her ... I wanted to see you ..."

Connie curled up on "her" bed. She didn't want to be here. She didn't even know how this was possible.

The last she had remembered, she was with Steven.

Right?

She started to realize that she couldn't rely on memories at all.

Every time she tried to piece out what was real, a thought would interrupt her.

_No, you're Connie. You just had a fight, but it will be better tomorrow._

"What is it, Steven?"

"I thought I was over this. I thought I was over her ..."

_You're not really dead. That was just a misunderstanding. Those cards were for someone else ..._

"Steven ..."

"How have you been able to move on? How ..."

_He still loves you. He's just ... confused?_

Connie closed her eyes ...

... And soon realized she was not alone.

~

Peridot watched as Amethyst paced. She had been amazed that Amethyst would even allow her into her room after what she had done.

Now that she knew how horrible of a mistake this was, Peridot felt even more terrible. She had hurt Steven terribly, imprisoned a hologram who now thought she was alive, stole from Homeworld, and completely betrayed Amethyst's trust.

I guess you're good at it, Peridot.

Amethyst sad down across from Peridot with a heavy sigh. She scrubbed her face with a hand and then looked up at Peridot.

"I still don't understand why," Amethyst started.

"I'm now beginning to question my reasoning too," Peridot muttered.

"I mean, seriously, Peridot. Why? Why would you do that to me? I thought we could trust each other!"

"I ..."

"I thought you had changed!" Amethyst continued. "But you attacked me! And for what? So you could just hurt Steven more?"

"You know that that wasn't the intention!" Peridot shot back.

"Then you would have known not to meddle," Amethyst said bitterly. "I thought you understood after I told you about Greg ... But you didn't listen ... You never listen."

Peridot looked at her feet. She had tried to make amends but she realized that in doing so, she had once again broken their trust."

"I'm sorry," Peridot started. "I just ... I thought that maybe it would work. That maybe I could fix everything. I didn't want to hurt anyone ..."

"Well, you did ..." Amethyst started. "I ... Just ... I can't believe you would do this!"

Peridot nodded.

"I just wanted to help. Steven seemed so sad. I didn't realize that what I was doing would hurt everyone."

"Well it did," Amethyst breathed before she turned away. "You aren't the only one who has been feeling guilty for the last year."

"What do you mean?" Peridot asked.

"I should have been watching out. I could have used my whip and pulled you out of the way or stopped you, but I wasn't fast enough. I let her die."

Peridot paused. She hadn't heard Amethyst ever admit guilt in Connie's death.

Or perhaps she hadn't been listening close enough.

Amethyst had seemed haunted, compared to how she remembered her from each attempt at finding a way off of Earth before the incident. She had never thought it could be from guilt, especially after Amethyst had started to seem to pull out of it.

How much more had Peridot missed?

She rose up and gently grabbed Amethyst's hand.

~

_**Who are you?** _

_You are still Connie ..._

**_I don't know what's going on. Why are you in my mind? Why can't I think any negative thoughts? Why can't I remember ..._ **

_None of this is real ..._

_No, that's making her even more upset ..._

_But she is upset with the truth ..._

_But we can't hide it ..._

_We have to ..._

"Stop!" Connie cried out. "Who are you?"

She felt her form flicker as two gems hopped through her body.

_Through?_

She stared at the tiny gems that stood in front of her. They were small and wore matching pink jumpsuits. Their pink hair was styled in a short cut and their eyes seemed to sparkle as much as the gems on their hands.

"We ... We were tasked with a mission," one of them admitted. "The Peridot freed us but we still had a job to do ... and we failed ..."

"What?" Connie asked.

"We're Spinels," the other explained. "Our entire purpose is to make humans happy and we failed, even on a simulation of a human."

Connie looked between them, still confused.

_Simulation?_

"Perhaps it was because we were no longer in the earrings. Perhaps they really do amplify our abilities."

"We'll be in them again soon enough, once the Peridot learns that we failed."

Connie could feel her mind struggling to process the information. They couldn't be telling the truth.

But it made just as much sense as anything else.

"Simulation?" Connie finally asked. "I'm a simulation?"

"We weren't supposed to let you know," one of the Spinels apologized. "We were told to reassure you that you were a human. One that was loved by the Rose Quartz hybrid that you saw. We had to tweak the memories you had because there was distressing information in them. We are surprised at how aware you are as a simulation ..."

"But ... That doesn't seem right ... I can't be a simulation," Connie started. "I ... I'm able to manipulate objects and I can think my own thoughts ..."

"Well, you have an emitter that is projecting your form. That is the only possible explanation," one of the Spinels began.

"Yes, but did you notice that the room we were released in belonged to a Rose Quartz? Perhaps she is one of the more advanced human simulations. We did have to block out memories in order to achieve a compliant human status."

"What memories?" Connie asked, an edge to her voice. She was done with being left in the dark. "And what do you mean an emitter?"

One of the Spinels sighed.

"There is an emitter inside of your chest cavity. You can remove it and still project your image. As for the memories, I suppose we can let you view them, but be warned, we had to make a lot of changes to get you where you are now," One of the Spinels started.

Connie nodded and closed her eyes.

Then she remembered everything. Her creation when Steven was young. Seeing the person she was supposed to be when Steven brought her into the room to play pretend. Learning how he felt from his memories. Learning how Connie felt. Learning that she would need to take on that form someday.

She could feel her own consciousness starting to form, separate from the consciousness of the room as Connie spent more time in there.

She didn't just see Steven creating her in desperation one day. She relived it. She could feel him cling to her, his tears soaking her form. She could feel the pain emanating from him and the need to help him. She felt the pain at seeing him so desperate, knowing that there was nothing she could do to truly help him.She could feel herself wanting to be who Steven wanted her to be.

But she couldn't be. She could never replace her.

She felt the relief when he finally was able to admit that Connie was gone. That she was just an illusion. That he needed to heal.

She felt the pride as she watched him walk out the door ...

Then Peridot summoned her and ...

"Oh ..."

There was no real way for her to unmake herself now. Even if the emitter was destroyed, she would still exist in Rose's Room. She could feel the connection even now, no matter how faint. She was a part of Rose's Room forever.

She felt a horrible feeling gnaw at her. Anger at Peridot but also something else.

It tore at her from the inside as her most recent memories of Steven played out for her like a film.

He did not want to see her.

He did not want to love her.

She was not Connie, even if she felt as close to Connie as she could possible be. Even if she felt the feelings that Connie would have felt, she knew that they weren't really hers. They were just a fabricated memory.

Yet she still felt it, somewhat. She was more recently created to be Connie. Wasn't she supposed to love Steven, just as Connie had? It only made sense. That was her purpose.

And her creator didn't want her to fulfill it.

"Perhaps we can create different memories?"

Connie shook her head.

"No. No more lies."

"We're sorry," one of the Spinels whispered.

"Not your fault. You were just following orders," Connie bitterly replied.

"Are you sure you don't want us to perhaps give you more soothing memories? Maybe some reasons to go on?" the other Spinel asked. "Then we would still be doing our jobs."

Connie nodded.

Soon, she could no longer see the Spinels, but she heard the whispers and felt the memories that she knew weren't real. She tried to think, but each time she did, she felt the pain of wanting to be unmade.

She couldn't fulfill her purpose. She didn't know what to do at this point.

Perhaps she could make the humans who had taken her in happy. The ones who believed they were her parents.

They knew she wasn't real, however. It was only a matter of time ...

 _Stop thinking that way_ , she chastised herself. She couldn't let herself think like that. She needed to think like the human she was replacing.

_What would Connie do?_

She knew, of course.

She stood up and walked to the door. She would at least need to try and talk with "her parents". If she was lucky, Steven would still be there.

As she walked down the stairs, she heard his voice, weak from sobbing. She paused a moment, hoping that no one had heard her approach.

"Are you sure?"

"Of course, Steven," she heard Doug begin. "She can stay here until you decide ..."

"But won't it be too difficult?" Steven asked. "I mean, it's not her ..."

"We know but ... We missed her so much and now it's almost like she's back," Priyanka explained.

Connie listened in, shocked at what she heard. She couldn't believe that they wanted her to stay with them. She wasn't really their daughter. She was merely a substitute for her. She was tempted to argue with them, but instead, she continued to listen in.

"She was our only child and it was so empty here without her. Now we have her back, in a way," Doug explained.

"But ..."

"If you decide you want to see her again, then she'll be here ... but if not ..." Priyanka trailed off, the invitation hanging in the air between them.

"Yeah ... I know ... Thanks ..."

"Of course," Priyanka smiled, hugging Steven close. "I'm going to go check on her. I'll be back in a moment."

Connie hurried back to her room and sat on the bed. She didn't want them to know she had heard.

A part of her hoped that Steven would want to see her again someday.

~

"I don't know why you'd let me come over," Steven started. "I mean ... I didn't even make it to the funeral ..."

"Steven, we knew you were hurting," Doug started. "And sure, we were sad to not get to see you all these years, but we understood. It hurt ... It's why we eventually put away Connie's pictures."

"You didn't want the constant reminder ..."

"Yeah ..."

The silence hung in the air between them. Steven sat back down on the couch. He felt a tug at his heart as he looked around. So much and so little had changed. He stifled a sob as he looked out the window, remembering their first winter together.

"You know," Doug sighed as he sat down next to him, "Priyanka will never say this, but ... We had hoped that eventually you would end up being our son-in-law ..."

Steven looked at him.

Something seemed off.

"... But ... Even though it would never happen now, you're still part of the Maheswaran family."

Even when Priyanka had come down to sit with them longer, Steven couldn't shake the feeling that something was different.

He even felt it a little himself. A sudden calm. A thought that maybe he would be more comfortable staying just a little longer.

But it was late and he needed to get home.

As he left the town-home, he felt the calmness wear off.

Something about being there was just not right.


End file.
